The Official Rulebook For Living With Robots
by That One Artsy Kid
Summary: If you want to live with giant freaking transforming robots in Detriot, here's a guide. Believe me, you'll need it! T to be safe.


Don't let Sari buy a popcorn machine.

(Sari and I had to clean up.)

(How were we supposed to know that Bumblebee didn't know how to make popcorn?)

(Sentinel slipped on the spilled butter and slammed face first into OP's aft.)

(Poor OP!)

(I laughed and poured the leftovers down his armor.)

(Seeing him squirm and jump like that was worth having to clean it up!)

2. When camping outside the base, do not dress up like a mummy and try to open up Bee's door.

(Apparently, they've been through something like that.)

(Bee grabbed one of OP's fire hoses and doused me with hot water.)

(All of the tissue paper I was dressed in got soggy and slid down my PJ's.)

(Let's just say I was not happy.)

3. Do not sing 'This Is The Song That Doesn't End' around Ratchet. Especially when he is repairing someone.

(Odds are he will throw a wrench at you.)

(He doesn't care if you are robot, techno organic, or human.)

4. Don't attach a bungee cord to Bee's bumper and have him pull you around the base on your skateboard, roller blades, scooters or skates.

(How was Sari and Bee supposed to know that Bulkhead was painting?)

(Peter had to push Gwen out of the way by a temporarily blinded Bee.)

(Bee was lucky that he didn't break Peter's ribs!)

5. If you ever encounter Black Arachnia, do not sing 'Cruella DeVil' or 'The Itsy Bitsy Spider'

(Humming counts too!

(She got so annoyed that she practically threw me at OP when the Bots came to my rescue.)

6. Do not try to explain the movie I, Robot to the Autobots.

(They didn't get it)

(Ratchet had another tantrum when they finally figured it out.)

(It is now banned from base.)

7. When Omega Supreme comes to Earth, do not scream "FE, FI, FO, FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMEN!"

(He didn't get it.)

(I got yet another lecture from Ratchet.)

(Bee thought it was funny.)

(So did Sari.)

(And the Jet twins.)

8. If you value your spark, do not laugh when I dye my hair.

(Sentinel had it coming!)

(Extension cords are surprisingly strong.)

(OP was still laughing when he told me to untie him.)

(I still don't see what was funny!)

The following movies are now banned from base:

-Titanic

(Bee was crying and started a fight with Jetfire)

-High School Musical 1, 2, and 3

(Who ever likes those movies are insane!!!)

-Independence Day

(I was so ticked when I found that out.)

(As was Sari)

(I still need to fix that hole in the wall)

(How could you NOT like that movie?)

-Fast and Furious

(Bee got into street racing again after that.)

(We had to pay to get him out of the impound.)

-The Last of the Mohicans

(WHO DOESN'T LIKE SEEING SOMEONE'S HEART CUT OUT?!)

(Just stay alive, I will find you!)

9. When teaching someone the Autobots to dance, do so in an enclosed area.

(Especially with Bulky, he nearly brought down a wall last time.)

(It was hilarious seeing OP, Bulky, and Bee doing Single Ladies.)

(Not that I told them what they were doing.)

(BLACKMAIL!)

(I gotta teach them to do the Thriller dance eventually.)

10. When repairing Bumblebee, do not fiddle with his stingers.

(I accidentally upped their power and shocked Ratch.)

(He started singing in a really high voice and doing weird dance moves.)

(I think he thought he was Michael Jackson.)

(Maybe he was thinking about the music that Sari was playing in the living room?)

11. Do not allow Bumblebee to play World of Warcraft.

(Just don't.)

(He woke up from stasis screaming.)

12. Don't cuss in front of Bee or the Jet twins.

(The Jet twins were surprised to find out what 'the finger' means, if you know what I'm saying)

(I didn't know anyone saw me when I did it to Sentinal!)

(Bee flipped Ratchet.)

(Ratch was PO'd!)

13. Don't let the Bots watch Lady Gaga's music videos.

(I don't think Sari and I have answered so many awkward questions!)

14. You know what? Don't let any of the Bots watch ANY music videos.

(Period.)

(At all.)

(EVER!)

15. NEVER EVER eat Jell-O on base.

(I told them what was in gluten.)

(OP wanted me to give him my Jell-O.)

(I bit his finger.)

(I warned him!)

16. Don't challenge OP to Halo.

(Your pride will be damaged.)

(I didn't know he could play!)

(He beat me!)

(And Bee!)

(And Sari!)

(Peter even tried Halo to see if he could win!)

17. Don't let any of the Bots help you with your homework.

(Your head WILL ache after.)

(Especially Math or Science.)

(All Peter wanted to know was how many moons Jupiter had!)

18. Whenever Peter walks by, don't sing, hum or whistle the Spiderman song.

(It gets old fast.)

19. When Arcee visits Earth and wants to speak with Ratchet alone, don't break out in song, singing Can You Feel The Love Tonight.

(Everyone else thought it was funny!)

(Ratch threw another wrench at me.)

20. NO SOAP OPERAS!!!!

(When did Gwen start watching those?!)  
(She watches them EVERY SINGLE FRAGGING DAY!)

(She got Sari to watch them with her!)  
(And Bee!)

(And Bulky!)

(And the Jet Twins!)

(I'm pretty sure I saw OP watching it while he was 'monitoring Teletran-1')

21. No hospital dramas.

(Ratch got mad when Gwen turned the channel during the House season finale.)

(Guess what she changed to.)

(A SOAP OPERA!!!)

22. When asked what you want for Christmas, don't reply in a serious voice "A hippo."

(Bulkhead didn't get the joke.)

(He went to the zoo.)

(I was surprised to find a giant aquarium with a hippo in it on Christmas morning.)

(OP made us give it back.)

23. No Christmas Carols!  
(OP, Bulky, Bee, Ratch and the Jet twins CAN NOT SING!)

(Arcee, Sari, and Gwen are good.)

(Don't even get me started on Sentinal!)

(How did we even manage to get him to come along, much less sing?!)

24. The only Bot allowed to _**attempt**_ rapping is Jazz.

(Bee definitely can't.)

(Blackmail is golden!)

25. No Fred or Charlie the Unicorn.

(Bee kept asking Ratch to go over 'Allspark Mountain')

(The Jet twins and I went around 'saving the neighborhood squirrels'.)

(Some old lady followed us back to base and demanded for her Pomeranian back.)

26. Humans, when frustrated, do not say the following:

I'm gonna have a stroke by the time I'm thirty.

You guys are going to be the end of me.

I think I'm going to have a heart attack!

I'm gonna kill myself when this is over.

(They take it seriously.)

(Ratchet strapped me to a berth when he heard me say the last one.)

(AND put me in a straight jacket!)

27. Don't play with Space Bridge controls.

(I was bored!)

(Gwen and I ended up in Italy.)

(It was nice.)

28. When Ultra Magnus visits Earth to check up on Op and the crew, don't call him an old fart.

(Sentinal blew a gasket.)

(As did everyone else.)

(Peter elbowed me in the ribs.)

(Ow.)

29. No Dane Cook.

(But he's SO funny!)

(Bllllhhhhh! I SAID NO COOKIES!)

30. Don't let the bots borrow my holoprojectors without my permission.

(Them will use them to surprise you at school.)

(Bee made me shoot milk out my nose.)

(The milk got all over Sari.)

(I think some got in her mouth.)

31. No paint ball guns.

(They hurt.)

(They can dent armor if you fiddle with them.)

32. Don't put cherries up your nose.

(Or marbles.)

(Sari dared me!)

33. No Spongebob Squarepants.

(Whatever! He rocks!)

(Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?!)

(SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!)

(He lives in a freaking pineapple! How awesome is that?!)

34. Do not attempt to explain the following songs to the Bots, you head will hurt.

-Halo (WHY IS THIS ONE IN HERE??!!)

-Radio

-Pokerface

-Live Your Life (I don't see why this one is confusing!)

-I Kissed a Girl

-Clocks

-Paper Planes

-La Cucaracha (This one never made sense anyway.)

-She Wolf (This one I kinda get.)

35. Bee and Bulky are the only ones allowed to use as sleds during the winter.

(Preferably Bee, he doesn't crash into walls and bushes as much.)

36. Don't steal Sari's jetpack.

(No comment…)

37. No Luney Tunes marathons.

(Bee kept asking Ratch 'What's up doc?')

(I got him to do that!)

(LOL!)

39. No Spider Pig.

(Spider Pig! Spider Pig! Does whatever a Spider Pig does!)

40. Don't try to explain ancient roman or greek art to Bulky.

(When I brought some picture up of Roman sculpture, Bulky glitched.)

(I think we all know why so I'm not even gonna _touch_ that one.)


End file.
